A relationship is a two way street. Both individuals have to do their best to understand where the other person is coming from. Without some compromises, one or both parties can be left feeling underappreciated and undervalued.
As someone who has been in a relationship with the same woman since 2006, I can understand the desire to be a good man in a relationship and to be a good man to a woman in general. It is something that I work towards everyday, even after all of this time.
Look, I get it, we all have a lot going on in our lives and it can be very easy to get wrapped up into your own feelings without considering how the other person feels. And as a man, in most cases, we’re not taught to express a lot of empathy or show emotion whatsoever. But in a relationship with a woman, these are key.
Even though deep down we know we care a lot about our loved ones, a woman in particular needs to physically see some form of emotion in a positive way. Showing emotions of anger and frustration the majority of the time is detrimental to a relationship. It’s ok to express negative emotions in a constructive way but it has to be balanced with expressions of love, care and empathy.
Ask her about her day
Asking your woman about her day demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in what is going on in her life. The key here is to make a strong effort to listen and absorb what she tells you. This is a powerful way to build trust with her because you will be the one that she can lean on whether she is feeling happy, sad or frustrated. And you want to be that good man for her.
Be enthusiastic when you see her
When you and your woman have had some time apart during the day because of work or other things, being happy and enthusiastic when you see her conveys to her that you enjoy having her in your life. And this doesn’t mean necessarily jumping up and down and doing things that are over the top. Being enthusiastic means having a smile on your face when I see her and making eye contact. Making that special moment when you reunite for the day just about you two will help you be a better man in a relationship.
Leave work problems at work
It’s easy to have a bad day at work. We’ve all had them but it is a bad idea to bring all of that negativity with you when you reunite with your woman for the day. Even though you know that you are frustrated with work, your spouse or partner may interpret this as you being angry or upset with them specifically. And this where things can get out of hand. It is effective to properly communicate your frustrations with your woman in a more intimate setting. If you have had a bad day at work, do your best to leave those emotions there until you go back to work the next day.
Don’t cheat on her
Cheating is never a good idea. Because not only will you be learning how to be a good man in a relationship but now you will have to learn a whole new skill set of trying to gain her trust back. Plus you will be hurting the one you love. If you are not happy in the relationship and you feel that you have made a valiant effort to make it work, then it is always better for everyone involved to just leave the relationship then to cheat.
Send her nice messages
Since most of us have cell phones, it’s a good idea to send unsolicited nice text messages to your woman. These should be completely random. Meaning, it should never get to a point where she tells you that it would be nice to get some heartfelt messages from you. The key is to be proactive in your approach and just say nice things through text. You can always leave nice notes around the house if you live together or her car if she has her own.
Call her randomly
Much like sending nice text messages, calling your woman randomly to say something sweet and nice is just as effective. Don’t overdo it though or it will lose its impact. You will want to spread these phone calls out over the course of the week. And try not to do this multiple times a day. A spontaneous call from you every once and a while will come across as enduring.
Be open and honest about your feelings
Talking about your feelings can be difficult. And this is because most of us never really grew up in an environment where talking about feelings was encouraged. In most cases, we were taught to keep our feelings to ourselves. However, it’s very effective to convey how you feel to your spouse or partner in a relationship because it builds trust and intimacy. And not intimacy in a physical manner. Intimacy on an emotional level. Take small steps with this. It can take time to open up and talk about how you feel about many things that concern you. Over the long run, it will be worth it.
Be her rock
It’s important to be the one person in your spouse or partner’s life that she can lean on. This can be from an emotional level to a physical level. Being open minded when it comes to your relationship will allow you to grow together. And that’s ultimately the goal. To grow old with someone that you love. By being a trusted resource in her life, it will lead to more growth for both of you.
Get past the disagreements
Arguments happen. They are always going to happen. Big and small. It’s almost inevitable. Especially when you spend so much time together. But it’s how you handle them that’s going to make all of the difference in the world. It’s important to be the bigger person here and learn how to diffuse the argument and not carry that negative emotion with you for the rest of the morning, afternoon, day, week or more. By hanging onto the negativity, it’s only going to make the relationship worse. And no one involved truly wants that.
Do activities with her, especially when invited
If your woman takes the time to invite you to take part in an activity with her, in almost all instances, do it. Even if the activity isn’t something that you are that interested in. It’s not the activity especially that is the point here, it’s the time that you get to spend together. Focus on the time that you are getting to spend with her, no matter what activity you are doing together.
Flirt with her more
Think back to when you first met her. How new everything felt and more importantly, how much you wanted to impress her. Well, it’s best to stay consistent with that behavior because it won’t go unnoticed. Lets face it, most of us want to feel wanted. It’s nice to feel important to someone. When you flirt with her, you are showing her that you notice her. Giving her a nice compliment or even a small poke or tickle would be a great start.
Be kind to her
This might sound simple. You may even think that you are kind to her. And that might be the case, from your perspective. However, from her perspective, she may think differently. It’s important to not only pay attention to verbal communication but also non-verbal or physical communication. Your words may say one thing but your actions may say another. And as long as you are sensitive to the fact that your actions sometimes speak louder than words, then you are on the right track to being a good man in a relationship with her.
Put your phone away while you are with her
We get it, you are waiting for that important text message or your boss may call. However, when you are with your partner or spouse, they should have your undivided attention. This can be difficult, especially with all of the distractions that we are faced with in the run of a day. But, just like anything else, this is a skill that you have to learn. Ensure that you place your cell phone out of reach while you two are together. And of course there will be instances when that cannot happen but you will have to get better at putting your phone away, even for just a short time.
Interrupt her less when she is talking
This is a bad habit that can go both ways. No one likes to be interrupted while they are speaking. It is disrespectful and rude. Both of which are negative behaviors. And the more negative behaviors that you exhibit the more that you will receive in return. It’s best to let her finish speaking before you say your peace. It takes practice but it is possible.
Surprise her and do the dishes
This may sound silly but it’s not silly at all. Doing the dishes when it’s not your turn sends the message to her that you value her time. And that her time is more valuable than just doing the dishes. In the grand scheme of things, this is just a small task that has a lasting impact on your loved one. Plus, she gets to see that you’re not afraid to take charge of menial tasks.
Make her laugh
Laughing is a form of stress management. And who doesn’t like a good laugh. You can start by telling her some classic dad jokes. They are always good for a laugh. The point is, the better you make her feel the better she will reciprocate that behavior. In the long run, it’s better to stay in a positive state than a negative one. It will help strengthen your relationship.
Be nice to her friends
She has probably known her friends longer than she has known you. So it’s important to be nice to her friends. You will get to know more about her by the friends that she has. Her friends are generally an extension of her personality or they wouldn’t be her friends. Plus it’s always good to put your best foot forward. This demonstrates your commitment to be a good man in a relationship.
Follow through on the promises that you make her
Keeping your promises strengthens her trust in you. The more you follow through on what you day, the more that she will be able to rely on you. And that’s why it’s important not to over promise and under deliver. If you do this then she will lose faith in you. And you don’t want that. You want to be a trustworthy person in her eyes. So don’t over commit especially when you know whether what you are committing to is realistic or not.
Listen to what she asks you the first time
There is almost nothing more frustrating to a woman than her having to repeat herself. She may repeat herself once without incident but the more that she repeats herself the more frustrated she will become. The best way to absorb what she is asking of you is to make direct eye contact with her and repeat what she asks you to yourself in your own mind. This strengthens your chances of doing what she asks without her having to repeat herself.
Empathize with her
If she takes the time, effort and energy to confide in you how she is feeling, communicate to her that you understand how she feels. It’s imperative to acknowledge this because it will validate her feelings. Life can feel lonely sometimes and when discloses her feelings to you, empathize with her so that knows that she has your support.
Make time for her
Whether you have been together for 1 month or 30 plus years, it’s important to carve out some time throughout the day and devote your attention to her and only her. Life is busy and it’s easy to take our loved one for granted sometimes. While it’s not generally intentional, it does happen. And that’s why you should get into the habit of giving her your undivided attention daily if possible. Doing this will improve your relationship.
Put effort into looking more presentable around her
The great thing about being comfortable in a relationship is that you get to a point where you feel that you can totally be yourself. And while that’s a good thing, feeling too comfortable and not putting effort into your appearance can result in a hint of resentment from her. Especially when you might clean yourself up when you leave the house. Take a bit of extra time and look more presentable more often at home, she will appreciate it.
Stand by her side through family disagreements
Family feuds come in all shapes and sizes. From minor spats to all out arguments. If your spouse or partner is involved in this type of situation, you have to take her side. Fighting with family is extremely personal. Emotions run high because they have history together and it will hurt her feelings. At that point you have to be there for her. Even if it may be tough to watch. As traumatic as arguing with family can be, she will remember who was there through it all, and that is you.
Give her a break
A break can be any length of time. Although, generally speaking, giving her some space during a morning or afternoon is more than enough. Go for a dive or if you have kids together, take the kids out for the afternoon. This gives her some breathing room. Sometimes having family or loved ones around all of the time can get a little overwhelming. It’s good to be mindful of this and be open to finding something to do for a few hours during the day.
Look before you ask
A pet peeve of most women is being asked for things that they shouldn’t have been asked if you took an extra moment to look around for yourself. If you are searching for something and you are certain that you need help, then ask, Try not to ask prematurely as it can lead to some tension.
Respect her boundaries
The longer you two are together, the more you will learn about what her boundaries are when it comes to certain things. Respect these boundaries and don’t attempt to change her thought process. Her boundaries may change over time but respecting them from the outset shows that you are capable of being a better man in a relationship.
Express yourself
Opening up your heart and expressing your feelings in your relationship will be far more valued than you realize. Transparency is important in a relationship because you don’t want the other person to always guess where your head’s at on certain issues. Put some effort into expressing yourself with your woman so that she gets to know you more intimately from an emotional standpoint.
Take the time to improve yourself everyday
Growth is good. Being open to learning is invaluable. Taking ownership over your mental, emotional and physical improvements shows that you care about being the best version of yourself that you can be. And who wouldn’t appreciate that effort. It’s a very admirable trait.
Trust her
Trust is vital to the growth of a relationship. Remember, you are two individuals that are now embarking or have embarked on a lifelong journey together. Being able to trust her is going to greatly improve your relationship. You may have been deceived or hurt in the past by others but you can carry that with you in your relationship with the woman you love. If you do, you will sabotage a great thing for yourself. Once the trust is built, both of you will soar.
Be extremely trustworthy
Trust is earned. If you want to be trusted then you have to be trustworthy. This is nonnegotiable. A relationship cannot grow and flourish without trust. It will always plateau and you may never see the amazing parts that the relationship has to offer if there is a lack of trust. Much like you have to trust her, you will have to exhibit trustworthy behavior to have many great days and years together.
Be her safety net
At this point, it’s safe to say that you are the one that she counts on for multiple things. You have to strive to make her feel comfortable with you. Being her safety net means that she can come to you for unconditional love and support. There are very few people that will carry this honor with her and if you want her to be with you for a lifetime then it’s important to be there for her no matter what the circumstance.
Don’t criticize her
To be a good man in a relationship includes not criticizing your spouse or partner and undermining their thoughts and ideas. Granted there are times when you can make recommendations and suggestions but these have to be achieved in a constructive manner. They cannot come off as condescending or you will face a lot of resistance and possible resentment. And that means that any progress you have made in your relationship may be overshadowed by ineffective communication.
Spoil her once in awhile
Expressing your love for her can be achieved in many different ways. Treating her to a night out or some flowers can make a huge difference in her mood. As you work on how to be a good man in a relationship, incorporate spoiling her or treating her to some of her favorite things.
Accept her the way she is
Trying to change a person generally does not work and leads to disappointment all around. Being accepting of the way your woman is will deepen your relationship with her. And that’s ultimately what you both want over time. Every quirk that makes her unique should be embraced.
Ask her how she is feeling
When you ask anyone how they feel, it can be a little off putting because most of us don’t take enough time to check in with our loved ones to see how they are feeling. We tend to get caught up in our own problems. So when you make an effort to gain some insight as to how your spouse or partner is feeling, it will come across as endearing and shows that you genuinely care.
Work on loving yourself more
It’s typically said that you cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself first. This holds true about loving yourself, The more that you love yourself the more love you will have to give your partner or spouse. Self-care is an important part of loving yourself more. So make a point of doing things that you genuinely enjoy to make yourself happier. The happier you are, the happier she will be.
Be more positive
There is a lot going on in the world and there is probably a lot going on in your life. Regardless of this, it’s very important to be more positive in general. Being that person that always complains is not fun or attractive to be around. Practice self awareness so that you can see how positive or negative that you are throughout the day. If you find that for most of the day that you are having negative thoughts, then that is most likely to be carried into your relationship. And in order to be a better man in a relationship, it’s better to be more positive than negative.
Don’t try to solve all of her problems
It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be “Mr. Fixit” for your spouse or partner. While your intentions are admirable, you are only one person and solving all of her problems is impossible. So if you have this mindset that you will be setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. And that can easily spiral out of control. Because you may start to think that you’re not the right guy for her. Rest assured, as long as you are doing your best then that’s all that a person can ask for.
She is not you mom
Your woman is not your mom nor will she ever be. So many guys walk a fine line between being an equal partner to thinking their spouse or partner is their caregiver. She is not in your life to babysit you. Both of you are equals in your relationship and you have to start treating her like so. The last thing she wants to do is to take care of you like you are a child.
Be honest with her
Being honest builds trust in a relationship. And trust is a pillar of a strong relationship. Being honest is important even when it’s hard. She will appreciate your honesty. Problems arise exponentially when you are not being honest as it leads to lack of trust.
Spend more time with the kids
Building a stronger bond with your kids will make your wife smile. Family is extremely important and the more plugged in you are as father, the happier everyone in your family will be.
Quit any mood altering substances
If you are heavily dependent on any substances that affect your mood then it is recommended that you get the help and support that you need to quit. It’s safe to say that if you are dependent on any substances that you are not the best version of yourself. Even though you think you might be. While this may not be an easy part of becoming a better man in a relationship, it is highly suggested that you find the resources and support that you need.
Give her compliments more often
This shouldn’t need an in-depth explanation. Work towards complimenting your woman more often and you’ll notice a shift in her energy towards you. Stay consistent as well so that it becomes normal behavior and not just when you feel that you have to do it or when you need something.
Make time for pillow talk
When you are both winding down after a long day, talking to her right before you both go to sleep is an effective way to share intimate feelings with one another. Pillow talk doesn’t have to last long either, it should only last for ten to fifteen minutes.
Take part in her TV watching
More than likely, your spouse or partner doesn’t share the same interest as you when it comes to watching TV. This is normal. However, if you can commit to watching one of her shows with her, you will be surprised at the result. Remember, it’s not really about what the show is. Rather it’s doing the activity of watching TV together. This can work both ways here but since you are working on being a better man in a relationship, then do your best to take the first steps to watch one of her shows with her.
Add some spice to the relationship
You are together for a number of reasons. And one of them is the attraction that you have for each other. Sending her a naughty text or picture is a great way to catch her off guard. Even asking her what she would like to do in the bedroom is very spicy as it makes that moment all about her. Sprinkle more ways to keep the relationship sexually charged and you won’t be disappointed.
Offer to help out with errands
When possible, offer to complete the chores and errands around the house. Be sure to confirm exactly what needs to be done so that you can ensure that you do it correctly or helping out will have an opposite impact than intended. Doing the grocery shop, filling the gas tank and changing all of the garbage in the house are just some ways that you can help.
Encourage her more frequently
You already know that you are her biggest fan but now it’s time for you to express that to her more frequently. It can seem sometimes that you are encouraging her more than you do because you might not be vocalizing it enough. Practice cheering your better half on more often and watch her confidence skyrocket.
Remove yourself from the situation when you get frustrated
Escalating a disagreement by going back and forth is very unproductive. Recognizing when to walk away and take a deep breath requires self awareness. Deescalating the situation is important so that things don’t get out of hand. And so that neither of you say something that you don’t mean. If you’re not too worked up and feel that you could drive safely, going for drive can help too.
Be respectfully more affectionate in public
For this you will want to ask your spouse or partner how she feels about public displays of affection. It’s courteous to respect how she feels abut this for of affection. If she is ok with respectful amount of affection in public like hand holding or a simple hug then start with these methods first. You may only do these or you may progress to kissing in public. Test the waters with each other to see how both of you feel.
Final Thought
Your relationship is important to you. Your woman is important to you. And you should be congratulated for seeking out ways to be a good man in a relationship. It’s a big step in progressing your relationship forward. All of your hard work will pay off. Stick with it because she is worth the effort.
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