Dad jokes are humor or puns that are often considered cheesy or predictable, and are typically told by fathers, dad, and just about everybody.
They often involve a play on words, a punchline that falls flat, or a silly setup that leads to a humorous payoff. And they’re often light-hearted and meant to be playful and endearing.
Dad Jokes 2023
1. What’s the difference between a joke and 3 dicks?
Your mom can’t take a joke.
2. What do you call a guy with a hamster stuck in each ear?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you.
3. What are 100 rabbits hopping backwards called?
A receding hare line.
4. A furniture store keeps calling me.
All I wanted was one night stand.
5. Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
6. How much does a hipster weigh?
An Instagram.
7. Did you hear that Donald Trump is banning shredded cheese?
He wants to make America grate again.
8. You know what’s odd?
Numbers that aren’t divisible by 2.
9. Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.
10. I went on a once in a lifetime holiday recently.
Never again.
11. Does my wife think I’m a control freak?
I haven’t decided yet.
12. Do you know that love is like a fart?
If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
13. I couldn’t stand being in a wheelchair.
14. How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
15. I have an addiction to brake fluid.
But I can stop whenever I want.
16. A sandwich walks into a bar. The landlord says “sorry, but we don’t serve food.”
17. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don’t wok away from me.
18. Did you hear about the candle that quit his job?
Burnt out.
19. You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
20. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?
His mummy.
21. What’s the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
22. What do you call a Pitbull that lives in Alaska?
A chili dog.
23. What do you get from a dwarfed cow?
Condensed milk.
24. Women with big boobs work at Hooters.
Where does a woman with one leg work?
IHOP
25. What’s slimy, cold, long, and smells like pork?
Kermit The Frog’s finger.
26. What’s the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple doesn’t cum on your face until you’re a teenager.
27. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
28. What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
29. What do you call a 600lb Dad that’s one cupcake away from exploding?
Pops.
30. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
“Hello Ladies!”
31. Why doesn’t anyone want to shave a crazy sheep?
Because it’s a baaad idea.
32. How did Rhianna find out that Chris Brown was cheating?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
33. Which sexual position leads to ugly children?
I don’t know either, ask your mother.
34. I have the body of a 25 year old.
But it’s in my refrigerator.
35. What did the sign on the whore house say?
“Beat it. We’re closed.”
36. Why did the church mom have such huge mints in her purse?
Because she needed supple mints.
37. Why does your dad always smoke at the neighbor’s house?
Because their grass is greener.
38. Why was Mary’s house always so clean?
Because Jesus swept.
39. What’s the scariest day for a ho?
Friday the Twerkteenth.
40. What does Lebron like to eat with his salsa?
NBA Champion-chips.
41. What sound did the bell make when it was faded?
BONG!
42. Why did the pothead have weak knees and elbows?
He didn’t have any joints.
43. Why did the family of stoners eat cereal on a plate?
Because they smoked all their bowls.
44. Did you know that male bees die after mating.
That’s their whole life. Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
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