It’s your Dad’s Birthday and you want to make him laugh. Well, you came to the right place. Dad jokes are literally timeless. They never get old and no matter if they are good jokes or bad jokes, they always seem to bring a smile to a Dad’s face. Here are 44 dad jokes for your dad’s birthday.
Dad Jokes For Dad’s Birthday
1. I always keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet
That way it reminds me why I have no money in it
2. Elon Musk bought Twitter for 44 billion dollars
I bought it from the app store for free
3. They should create a beer called occasionally
So when asked, I can say I drink occasionally
4. 3 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
Now you can’t tell me that’s a coincidence
5. Have you seen the movie Constipation?
Me either, it hasn’t come out yet
6. When your wife says she will be home in 5 minutes
She will be. You don’t have to remind her every 15 minutes
7. My wallet is just like an onion
Every time I open it, it makes me cry
8. Apparently, 30% of owners, let their pets sleep in their beds
It’s not a good idea though. I let mine, and my goldfish died
9. I was getting an Uber the other day and the driver said:
“I love my job. I’m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do.”
Then I said, “turn left here.”
10. I’d love to get paid to sleep
That would be my dream job
11. My wife says I’m the cheapest guy in the world
I’m not buyin’ it
12. I had to kick Cinderella off the softball team
She just kept running away from the ball
13. I kept wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger
Then it hit me
14. Yesterday I spotted and albino Dalmatian
It was the best I could do for him
15. My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are
But I laugh way more
16. I just seen a burglar kicking in his own door
He must have been working from home
17. I’m not sure if my wife is satisfied with my body
A small part of me says yes
18. I’m changing my username to Nobody.
That way when people post something stupid I can like it. Then it’ll say “Nobody likes this”
19. What do you get when a dinosaur kicks you in the rear end?
A megasaur-ass
20. A history degree is useless
There’s no future in it
21. I just applied for a job at a diner
I said: “I bring a lot to the table”
22. I can’t bring my dog to the pond anymore, the ducks keep attacking him
I guess that’s what I get for getting a pure bread dog
23. Somebody complimented me on my parking today. They left a sweet note on my window.
It said: Parking Fine
24. I hate it when people say the age is just a number
It’s clearly a word
25. What do you call a funky car?
A must-ang
26. What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans
27. How do billboards talk?
Sign language
28. What does a dinosaur use to pay bills?
Tyrannosaurus checks
29. What do you call ghost poop?
Boo Boo
Dad Jokes For Dad’s Birthday Card
30. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
He got stuck in a crack
31. What did the Rats say to the pirate?
“Everything Arrrie?”
32. What kind of hair do they sell at iHop?
Egg-stentions
33. What did the fat girl say to the pig?
DA-HAAAMMM!
34. When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin’ lettuce and tomato
35. What do Spanish clocks say?
Tick Taco
36. Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled when she was on her menstrual cycle?
They said she had a mean flow
37. What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide
38. Did you in King Arthur’s time, one of the knights of the round table collected taxes?
His name was Sir Charge
39. Did you hear that Steve Harvey and his wife got into a fight?
It was a Family Feud
40. What do you call someone who gets mad when they don’t have any bread?
Lack toast intolerant
41. What do you call the syrup with the speech impediment?
Mrs. Stuttersworth
42. What’s the most crunk place to go to the bathroom?
The Lil John
43. What was the foot’s favorite type of chips?
Dori-toes
44. If Steven Seagal removed all animal products from his diet, what would we call him?
Vegan Seagal
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