We’ve all attended an important work meeting. And at the beginning of the meeting there tends to be an awkward silence. It may only last for a few minutes but it can feel like an eternity. And if you have ever felt an urge to break the ice, telling a Dad joke is a great way to kickstart the meeting whether you’re leading the meeting or not. To help give you some ideas, here is a list of 50 Dad jokes for work meetings that you can use at your next work meeting.
Dad Jokes For Work
1. I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills.
Those were Goodyears
2. Did you hear about the optician who made the biggest monocle in the world?
It was a huge spectacle
3. Doctor you’ve got to help me, l’m addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don’t follow you.
4. I lost my wife’s audiobook
And now I’ll never hear the end of it!
5. My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.
It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn….
6. I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street mimes
They did some unspeakable things to me
7. I phoned the local gym instructor and asked if he could teach me the splits
He said: “How flexible are you?
I replied, “I can’t make Tuesdays or Thursdays.”
8. I went to McDonald’s and ordered 2 large fries
They gave me around 75 tiny ones instead
9. My wife apologized for the first time ever today
She said she’s sorry she ever married me
10. Left my job at the chemical factory
It was a toxic workplace
11. Apparently 30% of owners let their pet sleep in their bed
I tried it and my goldfish died
12. I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which
machine should I use?”
“Try the ATM outside,” he said.
13. Even though I’ve gone bald, I still keep my comb
I just can’t part with it
14. I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables
The celery was unacceptable
15. What do you call a zombie who doesn’t joke around?
Dead serious
16. What’s a forklift?
Food, usually.
17. What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?
Sheer Luck Holmes
18. My teacher always said not to worry about correct spelling, because we have autocorrect
And for that I am infernally grapefruit
19. I had hoped that my pencil related puns wouldn’t affect my marriage
But sadly it wasn’t 2B
20. Someone broke into my office and stole all the coffee cups
I’ve got to go to the police station later to look at some mugshots
21. Why do they sell those unsharpened pencils?
Completely pointless
22. I baked a giant chocolate eclair yesterday but couldn’t finish it
I’d bitten off more than I could choux
23. A large shell just fell on my head
Nearly knocked me un-conch-ious
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24. My wife said she’d leave me unless I stopped making photography puns
I said “Snap out of it, don’t be so negative, let’s see how things develop!”
Her face was a picture! She was out of the house in a flash
25. Despite my A-Level grades of A, B, B,A, I could never get an employer to take a chance on me
26. I would like to congratulate my niece on passing her mouth organ A-Level music exam
Well done our Monica
27. In the bible, Samson was a tough man but his father Samsonite was a real hard case.
28. I was out fishing with Dean Martin when I caught a giant eel.
I said “What species is this, Dean?!”
“That’s a moray…”
29. An onion just told me a joke
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry
30. Woke up this morning and found I’d swallowed some feathers from my pillow
My wife said I looked a bit down in the mouth
31. The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar
Things got a little tense
32. My favourite name for a planet is Saturn
It has a nice ring to it
33. Just watched a really interesting documentary about beavers
Best dam programme I’ve ever seen
34. Just found out who’s been stealing my beetroot, I caught them red handed.
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35. What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?
Pasture bedtime
36. Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me!
I was like, “What the Hell mann!?”
37. If the Ancient Egyptians building the pyramids ever hurt their backs moving the stones, they were sent to see a cairo-practor
38. BREAKING NEWS!
A man balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires was caught stealing in a supermarket today
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts
39. I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week
It was OK. Nothing to write home about
40. Was going to make a joke about sodium
But then I thought Na
41. I’m convinced my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapons collection
She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns
42. My great-grandad invented the rear view mirror for cars
After that there was no looking back
43. I went to a ‘Dire Straits themed cafe’ yesterday, the menu was confusing – they wanted money for muffins but the chips were free
44. I just spent $100 on a belt that doesn’t fit
Huge waist
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45. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject
Now you can freely talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow
46. Just bought a boomerang from a ghost
That’ll come back to haunt me
47. The Ancient Egyptians were good at building – but only up to a point
48. I missed the World Hairdressing Championships on TV last night
Does anyone know if they’re showing highlights?
49. People who like trance music are very persistent
They don’t techno for an answer
50. I’ve just finished reading a book about a bank vault.
It was quite hard to get into
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