Father’s Day is a day to celebrate your Dad. And if you are going to give him a Father’s Day card, adding a Dad joke will make him smile. Here are 50 Dad Jokes for Father’s Day cards that you can pass on to your Dad on his special day.
1. My kid asked me: “Do trees poop?”
I said: Where do you think #2 pencils come from?
2. My son was chewing on electrical cords, so I had to ground him.
He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
3. My wife says I have 2 major faults.
I don’t listen. And, something else.
4. Last night I accidently handed my wife a glue stick instead of the chapstick.
She still hasn’t talked to me.
5. Got home to find my kids have been on eBay all day.
If they’re still there tomorrow, I’ll lower the price.
6. My kids refuse to eat leftover tacos for dinner.
So my wife said to throw them out.
I did.
Now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.
7. The police just knocked on my door to tell me that my dog was chasing a kid on his bike.
I just shut the door. My dog doesn’t even have a bike.
8. Tomorrow my son and I are getting new glasses.
After that, we’ll see.
9. I was so confused last night. My printer was playing music.
Turns out, my paper was just jammin.
10. I recently joined Jehovah Witnesses.
I can see it opening a lot of doors for me.
11. What did one hat say to the other?
You stay back. Imma go on a-head.
12. My wife lost our dog last night while she was making a salad.
If anybody caesar. Lettuce know.
13. What did the pickle with the big ego say?
I’m kind of a big dill.
14. Kinda wish I started my grey hair in Las Vegas.
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
15. I asked my dog was 2 minus 2 was.
He said nothing.
16. My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked but I was appalled, aghast and dismayed.
17. My wife asked if I’ve seen the dog bowl.
I said I never knew he did.
18. I asked my wife when her birthday was.
She said March 1st.
So I walked around the room and asked again.
19. My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can’t read anything.
20. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick?
Put it on my bill.
21. Yesterday I couldn’t figure out if someone was waving at me or the person behind me.
In other news, I lost my lifeguard job.
Funny Puns For Father’s Day Cards
22. Did you hear about the guy that evaporated?
He’ll be mist.
23. What pronouns does chocolate use?
Her/She.
24. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology.
Please don’t buy it.
25. A guy told me there was a shark attack today.
The shark took out his whole left side. Couldn’t believe it when he told me he was all right.
26. I’m making a documentary on how to fly a plane.
We’re currently filming the pilot.
27. I wanted to start a new diet.
I just feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
28. A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity.
So I decided to return it. He gave me another one free of charge.
29. My dog accidentally ate a whole bag of scrabble tiles.
So I took him to the vet. No word yet.
30. If a child refuses to nap.
Are they resisting a rest?
31. Why is Dark spelled with a “K”?
Because you can’t “C” in the dark.
32. I used to work at a Pepsi Cola plant.
But I left because it was soda pressing.
Jokes For Dads On Father’s Day
33. Someone took my anti-depressant pills.
I hope they’re happy.
34. Did you hear about the guy who’s coffee got stolen?
He got mugged.
35. I started telling everybody about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s about raisin awareness.
36. Did you know that carrots make great detectives?
They always get down to the root of the problem.
37. I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people.
But unfortunately none of them seem to work.
38. I’ve been trying to come up with good jokes about airplanes.
But I can’t get any of them to land correctly.
39. Last night, my wife asked me, is it just me? Or is the cat getting fat?
Apparently “It’s just you” wasn’t the right answer.
40. I’m reading a horror book in Braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
Father’s Day Puns For Cards
41. Two weeks ago I sent my healing aid in for repair.
I’ve heard nothing since.
42. I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.
I guess that makes me an with-eist.
43. When you wear a belt made of $100 bills.
It’s just a waist of money.
44. I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition.
I better step up my game.
45. I accidentally took my cat’s meds last night.
Don’t ask meow.
46. I just joined a dating site for arsonists.
They sent me a lot of matches.
47. A man knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local swimming pool.
So I gave him a glass of water.
48. My son loves that we named our children after Stars Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbaca, not so much.
49. I’m never donating to people that collect money for marathons ever again.
They just take my money and run.
50. Before the crowbar was invented.
Crows just simply drank at home.
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Include one or more of these Dad jokes in your Father’s Day card to your Dad. You can also email him some Dad jokes or text him if he has a mobile device. He’ll have a good chuckle from any of these Dad jokes.
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