Jokes are awesome! They make us laugh and feel happy. If you or someone you know could use a good laugh, here are 47 jokes to tell anyone and everyone.
Jokes To Tell
1. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
2. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
3. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
4. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
5. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
6. What do you call a snake that works for the government?
A civil serpent!
7. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
8. Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
9. Why do elephants never use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
10. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
11. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
12. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
13. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crummy.
14. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high
She looked surprised.
15. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So, I had to put my foot down.
16. I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
17. My friend said to me “What rhymes with orange?”
I said “no it doesn’t.”
Funny Jokes To Tell
18. So what if I don;t know what Armageddon means. It’s not the end of the world.
17. A blind walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
18. This is my step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
19. I have a heart of a lion!
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
20. Why did the hipster wear a scarf in the summer?
Because he was cold before it was cool.
21. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grampa.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
22. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATHE!
23. What did the fish say when he slammed into a cement wall?
Damn!
24. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!
25. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
I don’t know. He hasn’t opened his presents yet.
26. Where do you find a one-legged dog?
Wherever you left it.
27. What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in his lobby?
“You’re just going to have to be a little patient.”
28. Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married?
The ceremony was ok. But the reception as amazing!
29. You know, it’s time like this that I wish I had listened to what my mother always told me?
“What did she always tell you?”
I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.
Jokes To Tell Your Friends
30. I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Apparently my customers didn’t appreciate me going the extra mile.
31. Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
32. What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down stairs?
A condescending con descending.
33. My ex wife still misses me.
But her aim is getting better.
34. When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
35. What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
“I’m bakin’!”
36. Where does Phil Collins record his music?
In the stu stu studio!
37. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?
Because it was full.
38. Where do sheep go on vacations?
The Baaa-hamas!
39. A duck walks into a shop to purchase lipstick.
And asks the cashier to put it on his bill.
40. What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
5,000 miles.
41. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
42. I fear for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
43. I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
44. Why did the teacher write the lessons on the windows?
He wanted the lessons to be very clear.
45. Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
Because all the fans left.
46. Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock?
Because it’s too time-consuming.
47. Why do they play poker in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs!
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